Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, an enormously popular book by author John Gray, contains many suggestions for improving relationships between men and women through understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite sex. As suggested by the title, the book asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets, and that learning the code of conduct of the opposite sex is of essential value even if individuals do not necessarily conform to the stereotypical behaviour.

Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

It is important to remember that men and women have reciprocally different natures. Men and women need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way they do.

Chapter 2: Mr Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee

Men love to have their abilities recognised and appreciated, and hate to have them scorned or ignored; women love to have their feelings recognised and appreciated, and hate to have them scorned or ignored. Men don’t rate feelings highly as in their view they can result in hotly impassioned, wildly unstable behaviour; women don’t rate abilities highly as in their view they can result in coldly dispassionate, aggressively competitive behaviour.

Men like to work on their own, and exercise their abilities by solving problems quickly and singlehandedly; women like to co-operate, and exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another. Men value solutions, and view unsolicited assistance as undermining their effort to solve problems alone; women value assistance, and view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively. Men desire that their solutions will be appreciated; women desire that their assistance will be appreciated.

Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk

When faced with tough problems, men become non-communicative so they can work out how best to help themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them. Men like to demonstrate their abilities by being allowed to solve problems without interference; women like to demonstrate their feelings by being allowed to relate problems without interference.

When men do communicate, they like to get to the point, and generally only want to listen if they feel the conversation has a point; women enjoy talking for its own sake, and are happy to listen unconditionally.

Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex

A man’s instinct is to look after himself, even if it means sacrificing others; a woman’s instinct is to look after others, even if it means sacrificing herself. In a relationship, a man has to learn how to care for his partner rather than sacrificing her needs in favour of his own, and a woman has to learn how to be cared for by her partner rather than sacrificing her own needs in favour of his, so that the needs of both are met. If they do this successfully, both win, unlike their instinctive behaviours where one person gains from another’s loss. This has to be worked at, because if either partner feels their efforts towards the relationship are not being successful in pleasing their partner, they may feel hurt and decide to revert to their instinctive behaviour. Unfortunately this then causes the other partner to do the same, and the relationship unravels inexorably.

In a relationship, a man needs to feel that his attentions are needed, and a woman needs to feel that her needs are attended. To achieve this, a man has to express his desire to fulfil her needs and her worthiness to receive his care, and a woman has to express her desire for his care and his worthiness to fulfil her needs. Both must remember to appreciate, accept, and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail.

Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages

Men talk in very literal terms for the purpose of relaying information; women employ artistic licence and dramatic vocabulary to fully express and relate their feelings.

Men like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them, and have the tendency to become distant and non-communicative as they ponder their concerns. At this time, a woman needs reassurance that her partner still rates her as worthy of being taken care of. Women like to sort their thoughts out in the process of communicating them, and have the tendency to pour forth a litany of general grievances as they relate their concerns. At this time, a man needs reassurance that his partner still rates him as worthy of taking care of things. Both must try to avoid feeling personally to blame when their partners are dealing with problems.

When a man is troubled, he does not want his partner to express concern for him, but loves to be told that the problem is easily within his abilities to rectify because of the implicit vote of confidence in his abilities. When a woman is troubled, she loves her partner to express concern for her, but does not want to be told that the problem is a simple one to solve because of the implicit dismissal of her concerns about the issue. A solution should be sought once her feelings have been fully listened to: too quick a solution justifies his abilities but devalues her concerns, too enduring a problem justifies her concerns but devalues his abilities.

Men feel validated and gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves, and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance. Women feel validated and gratified by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance, and feel undermined when they are left to sort things out by themselves.

To accommodate their partners’ responses, each should make small changes to their behaviours and communication towards the other, but without compromising their own true natures.

Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands

Men periodically bolt for cover when they suddenly fear that their self-sufficiency is becoming threatened. At these times they may become utterly unapproachable, demanding the right to be left on their own and to be allowed not to express their feelings, but if given support by being afforded space for a little while, they will soon feel better and spring back into their usual loving selves once again. It can be hard for women to handle the suddenness and speed with which men bolt for cover, and then subsequently spring back.

At times when men retreat into themselves, they can assist their partners not to be overly concerned or take it personally by providing some brief reassurance that they will return in due course. Women should resist the temptation to try to drag their partners back prematurely or criticise them over this natural behaviour.

Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves

Women periodically sink into a depression when they feel it is time for emotional cleansing and resolution. At these times they may become utterly negative in their outlook, dwelling on every problem which troubles them, including long-standing ones which will generally have been raised and addressed before, and if they cannot find any real issues to concentrate on, then they will find some random other things to worry about.

They suspend their normal giving natures, demanding the right to express their feelings and not to be left on their own, and if supported and allowed enough time to express and release their negative feelings, they will begin to feel happier again and return to their usual loving selves. The slowness in which they sink into depression and subsequently recover may be hard for men to handle.

At times when women sink into themselves, they can assist their partners not to be overly concerned or take it personally by providing some brief reassurance that it is not their partners’ fault. Men should resist the temptation to try to lift their partners back up prematurely or criticise them over this natural behaviour.

Men demand the right to be free from time to time; women demand the right to be heard from time to time. When a man feels free he finds it easier to support a woman’s need to be heard; when a woman feels heard she finds it easier to support a man’s need to be free.

If a man’s periodic need to be free coincides with a woman’s periodic need to be heard, the best solution is for the woman to make do with being heard by her friends instead.

Chapter 8: Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs

Men and women need to remember that the emotional needs of the opposite sex are not the same as their own. Providing our partners with the wrong type of emotional needs will not be greatly appreciated.

Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armour seeking a damsel in distress who will love him, and shower him with trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Deep inside every woman is a damsel in distress seeking a knight in shining armour who will love her, and shower her with caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. Men must listen attentively to women to understand their needs, avoiding getting angry or defensive; women must have faith in men’s abilities and best efforts to fulfill their needs, avoiding trying to change or control them.

Chapter 9: How To Avoid Arguments

Communication between relationship partners should be loving and respectful; verbal attacks by contrast are highly destructive. It is often not so much what is said that causes the damage, but the tone of voice and body language which accompanies it.

Arguments thrive on men failing to pay sufficient attention to women’s feelings, and women being critically disapproving of men. Either one may be the initial trigger, because a man’s inattentiveness can cause a woman to get upset and express disapproval, and a woman’s disapproval can cause a man to get defensive and stop listening to how she is feeling.

When men make mistakes they become frustrated and angry, and are best left alone until they calm down. Men consider apologies to be admissions of guilt; women view apologies as expressions of compassion. This difference of perception is why men are generally much less willing to apologise than women.

When engaged in an argument, men use strong and aggressive words to ensure that they win the argument, and women are frequently forced to back down in the face of a totally determined and implacable opponent. Men then feel that they have won the argument, but it is a hollow victory as their partners have not changed their views, but merely buried them in order to avoid an ever-escalating conflict. Sometimes people prefer to evade arguments instead of engaging in them. Men tend to do so by withdrawing inside themselves and refusing to talk; women often just pretend that the disagreement has been forgotten. The resultant peace is a cold one, because the issues continue festering unresolved.

To stop communication degenerating into arguments, men should strive to listen without getting defensive, and women should try to express their feelings without criticising their partners.

Chapter 10: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex

Men feel loved if their efforts at giving are appreciated; women feel loved according to what they receive. For women, loving someone means knowing and attending to their needs without waiting to be asked, and so a loved person should never have to ask for anything as their needs ought to be anticipated ahead of time. So women give unconditionally, and proactively seek ways to help others, whereas men only give when they feel that their efforts will be fairly appreciated and rewarded, and often will not know how or what to give without being specifically asked. Men often quickly suspend giving when feeling pleased about having done something; women may only suspend giving when feeling displeased with their partners for doing nothing.

Men value results; for women it’s the thought that counts. Consequently, men value big things much more than do women, who feel more appreciated by receiving lots of little gifts instead. A woman may consider a bunch of flowers to be just as good a proof of love as an entire month of hard work towards paying the bills.

If men and women do not take account of these different perspectives, they may fail to give their partners what they actually want. When this occurs, the man will frequently suspend giving as he feels he is not receiving enough reward back for what he has given, but the woman will continue to give unconditionally even though she feels she is giving more and has started to feel unloved, unappreciated and resentful.

Men should try to identify various little ways to give to their partners without waiting to be asked first, and should avoid the mistake of assuming their partners to be happy giving and not asking for anything back. Women should be careful not to give a false impression to their partners of being happy when they are not, and if they begin to feel resentful they should gently reduce their giving, learn to ask for things back, and be sure to keep expressing lots of appreciation of their partners’ efforts so as to encourage them to give more. Men should try to listen lovingly and respectfully to women’s feelings, women should try to express their feelings in a loving and respectful manner. If men give, and women appreciate, both end up feeling happy.

Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings

Unresolved negative feelings can cause us to act in ways we really don’t want to, or become manifest in all kinds of compulsive or addictive behaviours. Avoiding our negative feelings doesn’t make them go away, but compassionately embracing them can heal them and enable us to start loving again. By acting as loving parents to our own inner child, we finally allow our repressed feelings to be fully expressed and released.

To ease the pain and win love, men often obsessively seek success, and women obsessively seek perfection. Men may use anger, ego, or oblivion (such as burying themselves in their work) to avoid vulnerable feelings of pain or fear; women may lapse into depression or confusion to avoid having aggressive feelings of anger.

Constructive communication is a learned skill, and many of us must first unlearn the paradigm of negative communication and repression of feelings which we experienced during childhood. Communication works best if it presents the full picture, so that the root of the problem is revealed rather than just the symptoms.

Writing our feelings down is excellent for expressing our negative emotions (anger, pain, fear, and regret) in a controlled manner, rather than letting them explode at our partners in the heat of the moment. Having done so, we can get back in touch with our loving feelings, and are then in a much better state to explain to our partners what we are feeling, and what they can do to help us feel better. It is important to communicate such feelings in a loving atmosphere because we may need to feel securely loved while communicating such intimate and revealing feelings, and our partners may need the same if some of those feelings will be painful to hear, or could be taken personally. At times it is worth discussing them with friends or counselors first.

Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It

Men love to do things which are appreciated, and hate to do things which are demanded. Criticising him or giving excessive instructions will make him feel more like a slave than a loved and trusted partner.

Men love to prove their worth through the things they do, but they generally wait to be asked, and take a long time to learn to offer their services unsolicited. Women should therefore control their expectations of men being able to anticipate their needs, ask for help without making it sound like a demand because they resent the need to do so, and appreciate the help they receive even though it needed to be requested first.

Women should avoid requesting help from a man in a way which either doesn’t sound like a clear request, or carries implicit criticism that he should have already done it. Questions which begin with the words ‘Could you’ or ‘Can you’ are often interpreted by men as questioning their abilities, and they therefore respond more positively to the same questions if they begin instead with ‘Would you’ or ‘Will you’. The difference may seem tiny, but it can feel as different as the man saying ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’ in response to the request.

It is best to allow a man the freedom to do things in a way and at a time that works for him. If a man is busy doing something and a woman needs his help on something else, she should feel free to ask him for help, but be prepared for him to request to defer it or even to refuse it; if requests always require positive answers, they are really demands, and men will sense the difference. If a man grumbles about a request then he is actually considering it, and the best approach is to simply wait for him to come to a decision without saying anything further, and aim to accept the outcome graciously.

Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive

In relationships, unresolved negative feelings can pop up without warning, and we suddenly become upset, or sensitive, or distant. When this happens to our partners we should encourage them to work through it, accepting that it may take some time and that they may need support from outside as well as from ourselves, and do our best to control any impatience or resentments we may feel towards them during these times.

Love inevitably changes over time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever, and over time our personal faults and negative baggage inevitably become exposed. But if we stick tight through the ups and downs of life and each other, then our initial bliss gradually changes into a mature form of love which can become stronger and fuller with every passing year.

 

Source: http://www.wikisummaries.org/Men_Are_From_Mars,_Women_Are_From_Venus

 

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Tips For Everlasting Love Relationship

You admire some one – some one admires you; it is the universal truth on earth. It is easy to fall in love with some one but will it be easy to love him/her to your last breath? Many people happily in love but also end up with broken heart.

When you want to possess something – you work hard whole heartedly to posses it. But when you posses it – soon you seem don’t have it; it is human nature – because human wants are unlimited; be it in love or any other materials things.

In order to keep everlasting love relationship or content with what you have got, you need to learn some tips. It wouldn’t be easy or lucky enough to get our dream man or woman in our lives.

Even if we get our dream man or woman – our projection and wants and everything changes in time. You admire or like some one because you see something appealing or interesting on him or her.

When you are interested on somebody – you see only the positive aspects of that person. Your positive projection continue till you are in love. However when you are in love – the real problem commence, which is the beginning of testing your genuine love.

Love is not like something that comes to exist and live forever without smothering. Therefore we need to know some basic attributes that will keep the love relationship alive to your last breath.

Here are some of the basic attributes to keep your love relationship alive –

1.Commitment

There is nothing greater than committing to have an everlasting love relationship.

You may ask, “Iam in love and why do I need commitment in my genuine love?” Yes, you admire and love him/her but you need commitment in your genuine love due to the following reasons –

i) Human unlimited wants: Your wants are unlimited be it in love or in any other material things. Today you are in love deeply and you think that s/he is the best but tomorrow you see or meet another man or woman.

Temptation is stronger when you see or meet a person who seems to be better. However not one is perfect and good nor imperfect and bad.

Even if you found another person – s/he will be similar in many aspects. So, always think or assume that your lover is the best and perfect and commit your love on him or her only.

ii) Seeing Weakness and problems: As you live closely with her or him – you’ll find the negative aspects of the person you are living with. But you have your own weaknesses and problems.

So try to understand your own weaknesses and see the positive side of your lover. All the weaknesses and problems like rigidity, nagging, not understanding, lying, jealousy etc can easily break your true love.

But keeping your commitment in your love will remove all the weaknesses and problems that deteriorate your love.

2) Understanding

If you cannot understand others – you cannot adjust and live together. When you try to understand another person, you can adjust, mingle and live together happily.

Understanding and adjustment come from your heart. A narrow minded person cannot adjust, mingle and understand others. You need to understand the person you are living with.

3) Tolerance

Love is not a bed of roses. There is also ups and down even in true love due to many factors. Your long lasting love is depend on your tolerance.

If you are not ready to tolerate with him/her – squabbling is going to be the game of love. You need tolerance even in your true love – otherwise there cannot be long lasting love.

4.Trusting

Trusting is another very important attributes to keep long lasting relationship. If you cannot trust him/her, you cannot love whole heartedly. Try to trust him/her in whatever s/he does.

5. Forgive and Forget

Forgiving and forgetting all the present and past mistakes will bind more strongly in your love. Forgetting the past mistakes is equally important as forgiving the present mistakes. As we live together, we may commit mistakes but it needs to be forgiven and forgotten.

6. Respect

Everybody wants to be respected in many aspects. Show your respect to him/her and the response will adhere to your love. As you respect each other views and other aspects – your relationship will go deeper and deeper. When you respect some one, it makes that person good and special.

7. Dominating attitude

Wanting to dominate another person is only the dictatorship philosophy. In any good relationship, dominating attitude shouldn’t be there. Dominating attitude is obsolete in modern society. No one wants others to dominate him or her.

If you want to dominate and control in every aspects, there is always chances to break up even a genuine love. Man should not try to dominate over woman also the woman should not dominate over man.

Equal sharing power, opinion and helping each other will make stronger in any kinds of love relationship.

8. Showing love

Actually you love him/her. But sometime the other person cannot feel or understand your love. Try to show your genuine love with a gift or anything that will prove your true love.

A loving person is always welcome by everybody. Always be a loving person then you’ll always reap undying love with your lover.

9.Sharing and Deliberation

Sharing and deliberation with your lover helps to improve in your love relationship. Always try to share and discuss all the matters with your lover.

Problems may ignite unexpectedly if you do not share and discuss together.

Sharing and discussing improve the relationship; it also shows your respect and love.

@Dr. Thohe Pou Feb.2006

The Married Bachelors

The Married Bachelors

                                  
We called the unmarried men as “Bachelors”. But what is this “Married Bachelors”.  Vikram Karve uses the term Married Bachelors to Bachelors and Spinsters in his blog, Here I also would like to use the same term as Married Bachelors(eg.. Actor – both to the Actress and Actor)

Some one called Married Bachelor to those “married men and women who live in different place and who love only their jobs” But i would called the “Married Bachelors” to those who are married but pretend to be Bachelor or live with other woman or man.

In our today’s world, there are many married women and men are Bachelors. They may live together with their wife or husband or they may live alone in another city. Many co-habit with other woman or man in absent of their wife or husband. They said that they are unmarried to others and they enter beyond the international border of marriage law and break the law.
 
Some Married Bachelors break the hearts of others. Some Married Bachelors want to enjoy with another Bachelors or another Married Bachelor but later enticed with the lust or changed to deeply love and run away from their husband or wife, which is becoming common today.

The lust of the Married Bachelors chase after the Bachelors (here refer both to bachelors and spinsters) and once they found another Married Bachelor or Bachelors, they start to enjoy and live in different world forgetting their married life and family.

The Married Bachelors emerged not only due to away from each other and love in their own job or staying in different city. However more important aspect is due to lust and unsatisfy with their married life or want to enjoy their lives..

There are many aspects that stimulate to emerge the Married Bachelors. Some of the important aspects may be – lust, disatisfy with married life, seeking to find better person or sexy one, want to enjoy with life, irresponsibility as a married person, etc.

As long as we have Married Bachelors in our society, there are always channces to break the family, problem in the society, etc. It is difficult to remove the emerging Married Bachelors unless by the law, unless the Married Bachelors come to their own sense and have their own responsibility and committement as a married person.

The Value of love is vanishing

The Value of love is vanishing

(It is no a poem don’t read as poem)In the past “Love” is like a sacred word
It was very difficult to confess, “I LOVE YOU”
When some one say, “I love you”
S/he really means it
In the past the word, “I love you”
Comes from the core of their heart
The word “Love-affairs”
Was also not used in family matter discussion
But today the word “I love you”
Seems to be purchasable from the market
To say, “I love you” is becoming easier
When I was doing my 12 class,
One of my teachers said told us,
“Don’t use the word “I LOVE YOU” now
Because later there will be not word to say “I LOVE YOU”
To your wife or husband.
Is that right? Yes absolutely correct!
The stereotyped type of love and saying,
“I love you” is predominant in today’s society.
Many say, “I don’t care what is true love,
I want only love in my life to satisfy my lust”
Today to say, “I love you” is becoming nothing
We may no hear saying, “I love you”
But the lust of the eyes and the body language
Express “I love you”
There is hardly TRUE LOVE
Today if some one say, “I love you”
Will that be a true love or lust?
How long that three magic word will remain?
Even some of our ilander friends also believe
That there is nothing such as true love
I am little shock to learnt this
But this is what we have different perspection today.
I may say this is good, but the other may say,
It is very bad.
This is what our society is.
And this is what we have different value in our thinking.
The dying TRUE LOVE can be changed
With changing our moral value and thinking
Replenish your love by renovating in your perception
If some one say, “I love you” to you
Let it be from their heart

And let it be from your heart if you say

All about Valentine’s day

By: John Basho Pou 

Legends of the V-DAY:
Valentine’s Day started under the rule of Emperor Claudius II of Rome, who was involved in many bloody and crazy campaigns. Claudius, the cruel, was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that Roman men did not want to leave their lover or family, so he cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. Saint Valentine was one priest who was the messenger of love and secretly helped young lovers to get married. But for this deed, he was beaten to dead and beheaded. He suffered martyrdom on February 14,in 270A.D. Since then, the day has been dedicated to St.Valentine.

Who is cupid, anyway?
In Greek mythology, Cupid was born as Eros to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. In Roman mythology, Cupid is the son of Venus. Cupid’s mother (Venus), feeling zealous of psyche’s beauty, had ordered cupid to punish her, instead, he fell head over heart over heels in love with her.

Cupid is the Roman God of love, represented as a naked winged boy with a bow and arrows.

Looking for love? Try this.
Cornelius Agrippa, in “The Ladies Oracle” suggested these techniques to find your beloved… (1) Take a few pines. Saying the Lord’s Prayer, stick each of them on your sleeve. You will dream of your future husband.
(2) Take a candle; look into the mirror, while either eating an apple or combing your hair. The face of your future husband could be seen in the glass as if peeping over your shoulder.
(3) If you receive a love letter with any particular declaration on this day, you can test its truth. Lay it wide open, then fold it into nine folds, wear it next to your heart till bedtime. Then place it in your left hand and lay it under your head.
If you dream of gold and diamond, your lover is true, if it is white linen you will lose him by death and if the dream is all about flowers, his love is false.
(4) Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry. As you twist of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.

Pick of Romance or Evergreen Romantic Classics.
(1) Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte.
(2) Love Story by Erich Segal.
(3) Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell.
(4) The Thorn Birds by Colleen Mccullough.
(5) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Six – Must-See- Hollywood Movies on V-Day.
(1) Addicted To Love (1997).Dir. – Griffin Dunne. Cast – Mathew Brodesick and Meg Ryan.
(2) You Have Got Mail (1998). Dir. – Nora Epron. Cast -Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.
(3) Meet Joe Black (1999). Dir. -Maria Brest. Cast -Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins and Claire Forlani.
(4) There’s Something About Mary (1999). Dir. – Bobby and Peter Farelly. Cast – Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller and Matt Dillon.
(5) Shakespeare In Love (1998). Dir. -John Madden. Cast – Joseph Fiennes and Gwyneth Paltrow.
(6) Six Days Seven Nights (1978). Dir. – Ivan Reitman. Cast – Harrison Ford and Anne Heche.

A Present To Present.
Cards: Archies, Hallmark, Gibsons, Paper Rose or Anne Geddes are some of your choices ranging from the humorous to the utterly romantic couples with flowing verse – there is no shortage of words. You may choose musical cards brought to you by Alankar and Gyan cards.

Floral Tributes: Flowers or bouquets are right gifts to send to a loved one. A Valentine’s bouquet will set your partner’s heart beating faster, especially bright red roses – the flowers of true love.

Aroma: Splash on some exotics scents like Escada, Nina Ricci’s L’air Du Temps, Montana, Burberry’s, etc. It is one single way you can trap the person you like.

Teddy – Bears: For those who love stuffed toys or cuddles, you have cute teddy bears holding little hearts in their hands. Some even sing out love songs.

Chocolates: A gift for someone you love. Chocolates are great gift idea on an occasion like Valentine’s day.

Jewelry: For people who believe in investing and not just spending, a gift of gold would be cool. Gold pendants, rings, earrings and chains could be given as a token of love.

Kill her/him Softly With These Songs:
(1) “You are so beautiful” by Joe Cocker.
(2) “As time goes by” from the motion picture Casablanca.
(3) “Something” by the Beatles.
(4) “Can’t help falling in love” by Elvis Presley.
(5) “I will always love you” by Whitney Houston.
(6) “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers.
(7) “My heart will go on” from the motion picture Titanic.
(8) “I swear to you” by Bryan Adams.

Say It With Flowers…
Flower…………..What it depicts
(a) Carnation………Fascination
(b) Chrysanthemum…..Friendship
(c) Daisy………….Loyal love
(d) Orchid…………Mature love
(e) Red rose……….Romantic love
(f) Pink rose………Secret love
(g) Yellow rose…….Friendship
(h) Sunflower………You are splendid
(i) Lily…………..Purity and sweetness
(j) White rose……..Innocent love
(k) Blue bells……..Everlasting love
(l) Red carnation…..My heart aches for you
(m) Pink carnation….I’ll never forget you
(n) White carnation…Pure love
(o) Daffodils………You are the only one
(p) Fern…………..The secret bond of love
(q) Forget-me- not….Faithful love
(r) Red tulip………Declaration of love.

God Rescued Him from Marrying Her

Abstract: This is a true love story about my bosom friend who fell in love with a gal in 2004. But later he discovered her to be a lustful and unfaithful woman. He is very thankful to God for rescuing him from marrying her…

In last summer 2004 – the sun shinned so bright and hot. The whole town looks deserted due to summer heat. However, he was relished in his heart in those long summer days. One day he went to meet his friend and after few days later – the whole atmosphere was changed.

There was a gal name Rachel who lives next door to his friend’s residence. In his first sight, he likes her and he assumed that she must be another true Rachel in the Bible. She is a theologian graduate, which made him more impressive and trustworthy.

Gradually he became so closed to her and he was in love with her. He also could easily notice and read her heart that she admires him too. So without taking a second breath – he proposed her to be his life partner.

She accepted his proposal on 21st June the longest summer day and they even promised to marry in 2007 after he got a white-collar job. They were together happily for a month like any other lovers. Hardly they notice how the time passes as they chat, giggle and play computer game in his laptop.

One night he was with her discussing about their present and future love, the wall clock tick at 11:30 pm. In this town – the people go to sleep at 9 or 10 pm. So he was panic, as he cannot go home and sleeps in his house as his parents will lock the room after 9pm. After a short paused, he told her about this genuine condition that he cannot go to sleep in his house.

Then he pleaded her to allow him to sleep in her room, as she was also alone. After litter pestering – she allowed him to sleep in her room. They slept together in one bed but he did not have any intention to do anything bad before their marriage, as he genuinely loves her from the bottom of his heart. He knew that love is not for the sake of love but needs commitment, honesty, faithfulness and sincerity.

He did not know what she must have been thinking about him. But he told her that he should not do anything against the law before the marriage. The night past peacefully with deep sleep and early in the morning before not one go out of the room, she woke up him and he went home. After a few days later – he has to go to different city for his further studies. When he leaves his hometown, she prepared nice chicken curry and packed for him.

With heavy heart they hugged and parted. During his absent, he never expected that she would run after any other guys. He truly loved and trusted her. However what he expected was turned out to be irony. During time of his absent, a fair and tall handsome guy came to her life. She was enticed with his well-built body even though she knew nothing about him.

As he noticed her admiration and lust on him, he took the advantage to enjoy with her during his autumn vacation even though he had a gal friend whom he promised to marry her. Then he proposed her within a few days after he was introduced to her.

She happily consented to his proposal and since then they started to date and enjoy like any other lovers do. She was madly in love and she wants to marry him. She thought he is the prince of the world and most handsome man in this world.

However he was just flirting her just to enjoy with her during his vacation. It was in the month of August-September and the time or season for marriage engagement of this people or community. During this time, an officer from Indian Railway came to her for marriage engagement. So she was dithering what to do now since by now she had three guys in her hand.

The first guy (my friend whom she promised to marry) the second guy whom she wants to enjoy and marry and the third guy (an officer) who came for marriage engagement.

At this juncture – she pestered the second guy to marry her. But as that guy was just flirting her only for enjoyment, he was not ready to accept her marriage proposal. He was just a graduate; he will continue his further study and he is younger to her.

While the guy who came for marriage proposal was an officer and the first guy whom she promised to marry was a bright gentleman with great potentiality to get a sinecure job. Now she is in great dilemma but in her heart she expected and assured that the second guy will marry her. So she flatly rejected the marriage proposal of that officer.

During this time, the second guy who flirted her also came to learn that she had boy friend and he is trying to avoid her giving different excuses after he satisfied with his lust. He then finally rejected her marriage proposal and ditched her to hell.

Now the gal’s dream to marry and enjoy with a beautiful home is shattered. One day the second guy who flirted the gal met my friend and told him the entire story about his love with her. Then my friend was greatly shocked to learn about her lust and unfaithful character and he ditched her without any delay.

Finally, now she is alone with deep remorse. Once she had three guys in her hand but now empty handed after other guys learnt more about her unfaithfulness in love. But for a gal like her will soon get many guys because it is easier for such a gal to change her boyfriend than changing her wardrobe.

My friend told me that when he first met her – she seems to be nice and understanding person. But after coming to know more about her, she is indeed only a flirt with full of lust ad nothing inside. She is indeed like a man with angelic face and satanic heart.

If my friend would have not discovered her lust and unfaithfulness on time – he might marry her and later in his absent – she may sleep with many other guys. When my friend learnt all about her lust and unfaithfulness – instead of discouragement and angry on her – he was indeed praising God for His wonderful hand on him protecting and rescuing him from marrying her.

He is thankful to God for helping him to come out from such a lustful and unfaithful woman. My friend told me that when he takes from a narrower perspective, he would easily landed up into discouragement or angry for what she had done to him.

But when he approached from different angles – he sees the wonderful hand of God who rescued him. He understands that there are thousand and thousand of gals who are pretty and faithful and he is not regretted for losing such an unfaithful gal.

For many people – it can be a good lesson to learn from this love story. I felt sorry to learn about my bosom friend who lost his gal friend but I am also happy that he is out of danger from his unfaithful gal friend. For such a woman even after marriage – she will sleep with other guys.

I am sure that there are many guys and gals who pretend to love others out of lust. Therefore it is important for the young gals and boys to scrutinize the true love before opening up their mouth in proposing life partner.

Marriage is not a matter of ephemeral; it is the matter of lifetime matter. Today, the divorcing rate is increasing in every villages, towns and cities because of such kind of women and men who simply married out of lust without any future plan and commitment.

You meet some one but you may not talk to him or her, you may talk to him or her but you may not like him or her. You may like him or her but you may admire him or her. You may admire him or her but you are not ready to fall in love.

You are fallen in love with him or her but you may not want to marry him or her. You are in love and you want to marry him or her but the situation may be not possible. So it takes a long process for a man or woman to choose the life partner.

If some one like you or admire you or even love you it is good that there is some one who loves you but still there is long way to go for marriage.

If we jump from admire to marriage – there is may not be true love and without true love – marriage life may be the most burdensome thing in life. Like this mysterious love story – it may happen to many people without knowing the other person properly.

So we better to be very circumspective in this matter. A learning man learns free of cost but a stubborn man learns with high cost.

(The above names are changed to avoid the identity of the people in the story)

Valentine’s Day Gifts

Every year many people celebrated Valentine’s Day with their loved ones. But many of us know little about the St. Valentine’s Day. There are different legends about the origin of Valentine’s Day. One legend stated that Valentine was a priest who served during in third century in Rome. And he was put to death because he defied Emperor Claudius II’s decree and continuing to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. Another legend suggested that he fell in love with a young girl, probably the daughter of jailer’s daughter who used to visit him in the prison. It is believed that he wrote a letter to her, which he signed as “From your Valentine”, an expression that is still use today. Around 498 AD Pope Gelasius declared February 14 as St. Valentine’s Day. In France and England, Feb.14 is the beginning of bird’s mating season and the idea came to the people that middle of February should be a day for romance.

In Great Britain, V-day celebration starts in 17th century and it became common for friends and lovers to exchange small token of love or handwritten notes. By the end of 18th century, printed cards replaced with written letters. In America, handmade valentines used in early 1700s, and started the printed card in 1840s. About the Valentine’s Day is vague, but the stories emphasis his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and importantly a romantic figure. In 17th century, Valentine’s Day is not only means for the lovers or couples but exchange of small token of affection or handwriting notes among the friends and others. But for many people in India, Valentine’s Day mean only for the lovers or couples because we celebrate Mother’s, Father’s, Raksha Bandhan and Friendship’s day in other days. Whatever it may be – Valentine’s day is a day you can express your loved ones – your parents, siblings, friends and all those who matters.

Many people save money to get the most expensive gifts for their loved one on V-day. The Shiv Sena and VHP opposed the V-day to celebration as it is a culture imported from foreign soil but they don’t oppose to give the gifts to their loved one in India. The V-day was not celebrated in early days in India but the essence and concept of V-day was there before the V-day being celebrated in India. Love and gift is common to every country but not to V-day celebration. There is love and everyone possesses love but only V-day is set part as a special day to express love to his or her loved ones. In every country, there is mixed culture and V-day is celebrated every year – whether in an ordinary or special way, except in some orthodox countries where there is restriction of practicing the foreign cultures.

This year how will you celebrate and what will be your gifts to your loved one? Is it necessary to buy a gift to express your love to some one? What is the best way to express your love – a small gift with big love or an expensive big gift with little love? V-day is only a special day set part from other days but it never means that there should not be love in other days. On this V-day, it is the time for the different companies – from Pepsi to Dior to Corum to earn a big money by producing different love gift packages. But for the Valentinians, it is the time to spend in purchasing the costly gifts for their loved one.

For many people love is blind totally blind and expresses their love with an expensive gift, which is beyond their capacity (budget) to purchase the gifts. In today’s materialistic world, many people see the price of the gifts and only few people value highly the small gift and see the heart of the givers. Have you ever received any gift and snubbed the gift because the price of the gift is cheap? Some time, the price of the gift may be cheap but there is heart in that gift, which is costlier than the costliest gift that you received form some one without any heart in it.

There are many V-day gifts articles available from Archies shop (small gifts) to Corum (big gifts) There are many V-day gifts available ranging from Rs.100 (or below) to 532,000 Let’s me tell you what some of my friends are going to purchase the gifts and do on this Valentine’s Day. Some people think that they should buy an expensive gift on this V-day while the other thinks that it is not necessary to give an expensive gift for their loved one to show their love. One of my friend’s names Mr. Keishing wants to purchase the Pepsi ‘Love Wrap’ from Delhi. Pepsi ‘Love Wrap’- where his love messages will be printed on customized labels of 500-ml Pepsi bottle with Roses.

One stem of roses cost Rs.1,000/-. Another friend of mine Ms Pounai wants to get a suitcase-Panache as a gift for her boy friend- who loves to travel around the world. The price of Panache would be around Rs 3500-4500. Mr. Alemchiba wants to get a watch from Luxury watchmaker Christian Dior for his girl friend. Dior Girly watch is between Rs 30,500 to 44,000. There is also a scheme with that watch that anyone who buys the watch will get a free Candle light meal with Moet Hennessy Champagne in a Five Star restaurant some where in Delhi or Mumbai.

A friend of mine whose father is a Cabinet minister thinks that the best way to express his genuine love to his girl friend is giving the most expensive gifts available for the Valentine’s Day. So he would be getting a ‘Trapeze pink watch’ from Corum. The price of Trapaze is Rs 532,000. All of my friends who have got girl friend and boy friends want to buy the best gifts for their loved one but what about the Singles? The Singles are also has something special for them. On this V-day the single yuppie friends of mine like Ms Chang, Leiyation, Asenla, Kevi and Nepuni have something special from Taj Group. The hotel Taj Group Goa has planned a range of activities to keep the singles fully occupied. These include icebreaker activities, Meditation programs, Swimming competition, Poolside and beach side activities, cocktail making etc.

Whether you are in India or foreign country- you are in city or countryside, love is in the air. Whether you celebrate V-day or not- you buy small or big gift-love is in the air. Whether it is V-day special gift or any other special or ordinary gifts-the most important aspects in gifts are not the price of gifts but the heart of the people or gift itself. Gift is something special that man cannot give easily without heart in it. We need to give gifts with our heart and receive with our sincere heart. A truthful rejection of gift is better than accepting without acceptance from the heart. A small gift with lots of love is better than the costliest gift without any love or heart. So express your love with gifts and accept the gifts with love.

(The above names are changed to avoid their identities)